Conflict

Sometimes at work we disagree with our colleagues. Voicenote clips I definitely think that everyone's ideas are worth something and it's definitely worth disagreeing with your peers. Generally, I don't like confrontation and sometimes I worry if I disagree with someone, they might think I'm criticising them as a person. There's this idea that people with authority always have things right, you know, impostor syndrome.

Today on Office English, we're talking about how you can keep things professional when disagreements happen at work.

Hello and welcome to Office English from BBC Learning English, your podcast guide to the language of the office. In each episode, we talk about business English that will help you succeed in your career. I'm Pippa.

And I'm Phil. And in this episode we're talking about disagreements at work. Of course we never disagree, do we Pippa?

No, we never disagree. We never have a crossed word. But different opinions at work, aren't always a bad thing, Phil. Sometimes you want different perspectives on a problem. Sometimes you want to hear what other people have to say, even if you don't agree. The problem I guess comes when a disagreement gets in the way of the work getting done.

Today we're going to talk about how to express your opinion, disagree politely and if necessary, complain about a colleague at work, all while staying professional of course.

And it's important to say that we're speaking from a British cultural context. So in Britain, we like to think of ourselves as quite polite. We're quite indirect when it comes to conflict. So we don't like to say straight to somebody's face that we disagree with them or that we think that their idea is rubbish. So that's what we have to think about when we're having this discussion, Phil.

Yes as always, do think about the context in which you work. Think about how direct people are comfortable being with each other.

So, Pippa. Let's imagine there's a decision that needs to be made at work and we have a strong opinion about it. How do we share that opinion?

So we could say something like my feeling is we need to... So that's quite polite. You're not saying, 'We must do this'. You're making it clear what your opinion is but you're saying, my feeling is that we need to... do something like this.

Yes, this is a very common way of saying it. Yeah it's that idea of this is what I think but of course other people might think different things. You're allowing the possibility that someone else might have a different opinion. It's not the same as just saying 'we have to do this, we need to do this', it's saying, 'This is what I think. But you might think differently'.

Yeah, another thing you can think about is talking about how you would explain your opinion, what's guiding your opinion. So you might say this is the company priority and so I think we need to... So you're giving kind of a reason for why you have a particular opinion, which can be quite convincing, but in a kind of more indirect way.

This definitely sounds like something a manager will say when they're trying to bring a meeting back on topic or a discussion back. They'll say, 'Well look, these are the priorities. Whatever you suggest needs to do this, this and this. So why don't we try this'.

Yeah. Another option is to say something like I know there are a lot of different routes we could take, but I really think we should... So that's kind of, again, acknowledging there are a lot of options, but re-emphasising what you think so really gives more strength to that opinion.

Yes, but again as... as before you're acknowledging that there are other opinions.

OK, so we have given our opinion, but let's imagine that we have a colleague who is trying to persuade everybody to make a decision that we think is a terrible idea. What would we do then, Phil?

OK so this first one I think we often say something like Hmm, I'm not sure about that, I think... So we're not just saying 'I think that idea is terrible'. We're saying that you've got doubts about it, you're saying that your opinion is that you think there might be a problem with this approach.

Yes so, I'm not sure doesn't mean a definite this is the wrong way to go. But it introduces that idea of doubt into the conversation.

OK we've got another one here, we could say that's a good point, Pippa, but in this instance, I think we should... What do you think of that one?

Yes, that's nice. If you said that to me in a meeting Phil, I wouldn't be offended. So it's acknowledging the other person's opinion. But you're still being firm about what you think too. So you're not just saying, 'Oh, that's a great idea. Let's do that.' You're saying that's a good point, but in this instance, I think we should... do something completely different.

And here's another one. I'm sorry, Phil. I have to disagree with you on this. I seem to hear this one a lot. Lots of people say this to me. I'm not sure why.

I couldn't say, Phil. Yes, I like this because you're being quite direct about disagreeing with someone, you're saying I have to disagree with you. But you're saying I'm sorry and you're saying I have to disagree. So it sort of makes it more professional. It's less of a personal disagreement because you have to disagree, you don't want to disagree. It's more of a matter of principle.

So we have some good options for disagreeing. But what if the person we disagree with becomes unprofessional and prevents the work from getting done? Is there anything we can do here, Pippa?

So it depends. If you have a colleague who keeps getting in the way of things or ignores the decisions being made by the company, you could consider complaining to someone more senior, so your boss or your manager. You'll have to think really carefully about whether it's a good idea. This will depend on the seriousness of what's happened and also the kind of company that you work in. It might be a better idea just to talk to the person directly, but sometimes you just aren't getting anywhere, it's a really big issue and it's causing problems for your work and for the company, so you have to complain. If you're gonna complain, you might use a phrase like I'm finding it difficult to work effectively because... What do you think of that, Phil?

Well, it's a very common way of saying this and the reason that it works is because the focus is on you, on why your work is difficult, rather than the focus being directly on the other person's behaviour. Although, obviously, you are going to mention that. But it, kind of, it tries to reduce the conflict by pointing out the consequences of what the other person is doing.

Mmm yes, and a manager's probably going to be most interested in why this is a problem rather than your kind of personal disagreement with somebody. Another phrase you can use which is useful is I'm worried about how this would affect... for instance, our customers or our clients. So again you're focusing on the impact.

Yes I think, by focusing on the consequences, it reduces the possibility of it just becoming too personal. You're just saying, 'Look, it's about our customers or it's about the work that we need to do'. And that's where the focus needs to be really.

Yeah, and not everybody gets on as well as we do Phil so, you know, sometimes you'll have to work with people you don't get on with, but it is really about whether or not you can do the work. And if the work can't get done, then you probably need to look at what the problem is and how you can solve it.

Hopefully, with these phrases, you can keep disagreements professional and avoid having to complain. But conflict at work is difficult, as we heard from our BBC Learning English colleagues at the start of the podcast. Voicenote clips Generally, I don't like confrontation and sometimes I worry if I disagree with someone they might think I'm criticising them as a person. There's this idea that people with authority always have things right, you know, impostor syndrome.

So, Georgie talked about something called impostor syndrome. And this is what we call the feeling that you don't belong somewhere or you aren't good enough to do your job, when you actually are. What do you think about that, Phil?

Yes, it can be difficult with impostor syndrome, because there's two sides to this. You get people who are not very confident, but they are competent, and that's usually when people have impostor syndrome. But you also get the opposite, you get some people who are really confident, but maybe they're not so good at their job. And if you're the person who's not that confident, it can be really difficult to stand up against another colleague who's really confident, even though you think they're doing everything wrong.

Yeah and in the UK, people talk a lot about impostor syndrome stopping people from doing their best work and so there's a lot of talk about kind of being more confident and standing up for what you believe in. But I guess it's important to think about your workplace and culture because there's some places where there's quite strict hierarchies and it wouldn't be a good idea to disagree with your boss or somebody who's worked at the company a lot longer than you. So, again, as we've said, it's about reading the situation, trying to be confident in your opinions if you think they're gonna make the company better, make the work better, but also recognising when it's a good idea not to voice an opinion.

Yes. And actually that's a really important skill. Look at the place where you work, look at how people deal with conflict. Are they very direct in criticising each other? Or are they a lot more indirect, do they try and not get very personal with it or perhaps go through third people? Have a look at it and see what the context is where you work.

That's it for this episode of Office English. Remember, you can find more programmes and activities to help you with your English at work on our website,

Next time, we'll be talking about the language of negotiating at work.

Bye for now.

Bye!